Emotional Self Awareness and Mastery

Well, Moonwalkers,
In the last few days, we have been moving through the disseminating phase of the moon. At this time, we are re-orienting from exposure to the potency of the full moon's radiance and beginning to make meaning of what came through that portal. The illumination taken in has been too much for us to assimilate and integrate all at once. We have been pulsed with power so much greater than our body minds can withstand and still remain the same. We must have a mechanism that catches that radiance before entering into our fields, a holding pool of sorts, and a system in place for gearing that high level information down to a level that it can be received without harm--without overload to the system of self.

And so this period between the full moon portal of enlightenment and the last quarter moon activity of harvesting and putting to use its benefits, is the phase where we are beginning to realize just what kind of unique fish we have pulled up from this sea of consciousness. And sometimes, Moonwalkers, it can be a bizarre and scary fish. I will never forget the first time I pulled up from the mouth of the Pascagoula River just where it was spilling into the Mississippi Sound, a long and wriggly eel whose most prominent feature was a mouth full of sharp, pointy teeth!

Yes, sometimes the lessons we are exposed to in the process of our personal growth are ugly and threatening to the safety and familiarity of the self image we had going into the experience. New self awareness can be emboldening--empowering, yes, it’s true, but only once we've been able to assimilate it into our personal economy and integrate its function in a way that brings us a new and valuable advantage. Additional knowledge about our relationship with the world around us brings us an advantage—right?

You might remember that my walk was for potency, passion, respect—resulting in an increase of joy in my life. Well, encountering the potency of such a grander light than my being has ever known fills me with a surge of intensity that must be reckoned with and channeled, does it not, Moonwalkers? All that fullness of experience with which I am having a great love affair can make me a little obsessive. Maybe I become a little unbearable in my personal expansiveness and others have to put me in my place! That is, until I get it under management. So this is where we are in the cycle of this month’s moon.

I had an image today of my Self as a golden retriever puppy full of friendly, energetic curiosity just spilling over beyond my ability to contain myself in my need and desire to fearlessly seek attention from all the passersby on the trail—straining at the leash of my master, and possibly peeing on myself with excitement as I receive an acknowledging pet here or a rebuke there. While another part of my Self, the “master” on the other end of that leash was trying to restrain puppy-self from offending my human peers on our walk with her puppy eagerness to love and connect and “know”.

And yet, at the same time as the master self restrains her frisky and naïve charge to prevent her from annoying others and calling rebuke and rejection down upon the whole self—that master self would be incensed if anyone met on the trail were truly, unconscionably rude, crude, or downright “mean” to her innocent’s unfamiliarity with appropriate boundaries. I’ve definitely seen this scenario played out while walking with my daughter and her goldens (who continue to act like puppies, only with a full year of growth and weight on them) in their neighborhood park in Denver.

Though she works tirelessly to hold them to the boundaries of the trail by the lake and discipline them to their leashes, if someone along the way fails to think they are just precious in their attention seeking behavior and should dare to chastise or ignore them, then she is incensed, and might even have something to say to the “offender”. So it is not hard to understand and accept that master part of me in those same circumstances will be hurt, seriously offended—fiercely protective as a mama lion, when my puppy self who is only seeking new knowledge and experience is slapped on the nose with a paper for putting that nose where perhaps it is not wanted.

And this is enlightenment, you ask? Seems elementary, you might say. Sometimes the simplest lessons are the hardest. Maybe where we have resisted looking closely at our feelings and behavior patterns, we miss these most obvious things. The question is – what do we do with these realizations? How do we learn to soothe our master-puppy combination in such a way as we can control the impulse of the mother-master to maim the s-o-b on the trail that didn’t love her puppy-child and at the same time teach the puppy to have the boundaries and etiquette required by the social environment in which she must learn to navigate?

Do you find, Moonwalkers, that sometimes just knowing and understanding why you are feeling a certain way can be the beginning of self soothing—and of restoring the balance that has been disturbed within you? Taking corrective action to prevent having to confront this same scenario again is also restorative of the order within. Being compassionate with both your puppy and your master self is a way of respecting and honoring yourself, unconditionally, and opening you to a greater experience of joy. You see how we’re touching on those qualities I chose to receive as gifts of my experience in this portion of my life-walk, Moonwalkers?

Yes, potency, passion, respect—all qualities that lead to a greater experience of joy in life. And I am disseminating to you now the meaning I have made from my encounter with that “greater consciousness” to which I willingly opened myself in the adventure of my solitary walk. This dissemination of meaningful information that can bring benefit to others is the final task of the disseminating moon phase. Now, onward to reaping those benefits and putting them to good use!